“Forgiveness is for yourself because it frees you. It lets you out of that prison you put yourself in.” — Louise Hay

In Chapter Four of Life Loves You, Louise Hay and Robert Holden explore one of the most difficult and transformational principles in healing: forgiveness. Entitled “Forgiving the Past,” this chapter addresses the emotional burden so many individuals carry—wounds from childhood, betrayals from others, guilt over past decisions, and self-hatred that hardens over time. For individuals struggling with drug and alcohol addiction or mental health challenges, forgiveness is not merely helpful—it is essential. Without forgiveness, especially of the self, healing remains incomplete.

This chapter is both a challenge and a gift. It asks us to do what feels impossible at times: to release blame and resentment, not because the hurt didn’t happen, but because we are worthy of freedom and peace. And it offers us a truth that becomes increasingly liberating the more we accept it: Forgiveness is the key to emotional and spiritual transformation.

Every person alive has experienced pain, disappointment, and trauma. But for those battling addiction and mental illness, the wounds often run deeper—and remain unresolved. Many turn to substances or develop mental distress not out of weakness, but out of an attempt to cope with unprocessed grief, abuse, or shame. Addiction becomes a form of emotional survival, a way to escape the past.

Louise Hay understood this intimately. In this chapter, she emphasizes that the unforgiven past becomes part of our emotional programming, shaping our beliefs, our relationships, and our behaviors. When we don’t forgive, we remain stuck in the vibration of the original wound—reliving the trauma over and over again.

The result? Bitterness, guilt, and despair become internalized. The emotional pain solidifies into self-hatred, and that self-hatred fuels addiction, depression, anxiety, and self-sabotaging behaviors.

One of the most empowering messages in Chapter Four is that forgiveness is a choice. It is not dependent on others apologizing or making amends. It is not condoning the hurt or erasing the damage. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, to take your power back.

Robert Holden explains that forgiveness is not forgetting, but “remembering differently.” It means releasing the emotional charge that the memory holds. It means reclaiming your present moment from the grip of the past. For individuals in recovery, this is revolutionary: Forgiveness allows you to stop identifying as the victim of your story and begin identifying as the author of your healing.

Forgiveness is the only way to break free from the emotional loop that addiction exploits. As Louise Hay says, “We may not want to let go of the past because we don’t know who we are without it.” But she encourages us to take the leap—to believe that we are more than our pain.

For those struggling with addiction or mental health conditions, unforgiveness can manifest in several painful ways:

1. Self-Blame and Shame

Individuals often carry intense guilt for past behaviors—hurting loved ones, lying, relapsing, or abandoning responsibilities. This self-blame becomes toxic, feeding depression and low self-worth. The more one hates oneself, the more likely they are to continue harmful behaviors.

“I didn’t forgive myself for years,” many in recovery say. But without self-forgiveness, the cycle never ends.

2. Resentment and Anger

Holding onto anger toward others—parents, partners, abusers—becomes a silent poison. Resentment becomes a justification for continued use or isolation. It blocks intimacy, trust, and vulnerability. Healing becomes impossible when one’s heart remains closed.

Louise Hay teaches that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness liberates the forgiver first.

3. Fear of Rejection and Unworthiness

When we refuse to forgive ourselves, we often believe we are unworthy of love, healing, or even sobriety. This leads to self-sabotage. Individuals will unconsciously recreate the very dynamics they suffered through, reinforcing the belief that they are beyond redemption.

Chapter Four calls this out clearly: The past does not define your future. You are not what happened to you. You are not the worst thing you’ve done. You are not broken. You are healing.

Hay offers a compassionate yet practical process for forgiveness. She emphasizes that forgiveness is a practice, not a one-time event. It is something we choose repeatedly, often in layers, as deeper wounds are revealed and healed.

Here are key aspects of her approach as outlined in this chapter:

1. Acknowledge the Hurt

True forgiveness begins with honesty. You must admit what happened, how it made you feel, and what it cost you. This is not about dwelling in the pain but honoring the wound so that it can be healed.

Many individuals with trauma or addiction have spent years minimizing or denying their pain. This chapter encourages you to face it with courage and compassion.

2. Understand the Power of Thought

Forgiveness, according to Hay, starts with releasing the thought patterns that keep the hurt alive. She teaches that every thought creates an emotional response—and we can choose new thoughts that support healing.

An affirmation she offers in this chapter is:

“I am willing to release the past and forgive everyone, including myself.”

Even if you don’t fully believe it yet, willingness opens the door. Forgiveness begins with willingness.

3. Use Mirror Work

In this chapter, mirror work is again emphasized—this time to speak forgiveness directly to yourself. Louise encourages readers to look in the mirror and say:

• “I forgive you. I love you. I’m willing to set you free.”
• “You were doing the best you could at the time with the understanding you had.”

This is especially important for those carrying shame about addiction or mental illness. Healing begins when we stop punishing ourselves.

Holden brings a psychological and spiritual lens to the chapter. He explains that forgiveness is a higher-order emotional function—a sign of maturity, compassion, and spiritual awakening.

He challenges the reader to look for the lesson, not just the loss. This does not minimize the pain but reframes it. He writes:

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what happened was okay. It means you’re no longer willing to suffer for it.”

This reframing is crucial in therapy and recovery work. It allows the individual to extract meaning, reclaim power, and move forward.

An essential part of this chapter is the invitation to rewrite your story. Addiction and mental illness often come with a narrative of victimhood, failure, or tragedy. Forgiveness is the pen that rewrites that story as one of resilience, strength, and transformation.

Louise Hay encourages you to ask:

“What would I have to believe about myself if I were truly free?”

Forgiveness is how you become emotionally and spiritually free. It is how you become available to the joy and love you deserve.

For both Hay and Holden, forgiveness is not only emotional—it is spiritual. When we forgive, we align with Love, the fundamental force of life. Forgiveness is an act of returning to Source, God, or Spirit. It is a way of saying, “I am ready to live in love again.”

In the context of addiction and mental illness, this is particularly powerful. Many who struggle have lost their spiritual connection. Forgiveness is how we restore it—not through dogma, but through release, surrender, and grace.

Hay writes:

“When we forgive, we are in alignment with the universe. We are at peace.”

Chapter Four offers simple but potent affirmations to guide the reader through forgiveness. These can be powerful tools for individuals in therapy, recovery, or personal healing:

• “I now choose to release all hurt and resentment.”
• “I forgive myself and set myself free.”
• “I am willing to see peace instead of this.”
• “The past has no power over me.”
• “I lovingly forgive and release everything from the past that has hurt me.”

Repeating these affirmations daily, especially in front of a mirror, plants the seeds of emotional freedom.

As a counselor, incorporating the lessons of this chapter into your work can be transformative. Some practical approaches include:

• Guided journaling: Invite clients to write letters of forgiveness—to others and to themselves—without needing to send them.
• Inner child work: Help clients connect with their younger self, offering the forgiveness they may never have received.
• Group exercises: Use group counseling sessions to explore common themes of betrayal, abandonment, and shame. Create rituals of release.
• Affirmation therapy: Integrate Louise Hay’s affirmations into daily health plans and self-care practices.

Forgiveness is not easy. But as Louise Hay and Robert Holden show in this beautiful chapter, it is the most powerful act of self-love and liberation we can undertake. It is the moment we stop letting the past dictate our future. It is when we reclaim our worth, our joy, and our ability to live fully.

For those recovering from addiction and healing from mental illness, forgiveness is often the final lock that, once released, opens the door to lasting transformation. Not just forgiveness of others—but the forgiveness of self.

You are not your past.
You are not your mistakes.
You are not your pain.

You are a being of love, and you are worthy of healing.
Life loves you—and forgiveness is how you begin to love yourself back.

By Dr. Harry Henshaw
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